Pre-Nuptial and Post-Nuptial Agreements: Do You Really Need One?

What a touchy subject! We hear in the media about celebrity couples signing these agreements, but what about the average bride and groom? Are they for the everyday couple, who is so in love that they can’t imagine their marriage ending? We will not tell you how you should feel about a pre-nup or post-nup, but we want to present you some facts so that you and your spouse (or future spouse) can make the best decision for you!


Pre-Nuptial Agreement
According to http://prenuptialagreements.org, this agreement is one “between two people that deals with the financial consequences of their marriage ending.” This site advises that a couple should consider this agreement if one partner has more assets or more debt than the other, you are a part owner in a business, or if you are remarrying. A pre-nuptial agreement (also known as a pre-marital agreement or an ante-nuptial agreement) can be looked at as an insurance policy. Forms can be used to help facilitate this process, but it’s important to get legal counsel in this area.

The history of the pre-nuptial agreement is quite interesting: these agreements were designed to protect the dowry and other possessions of women. Before the passage of the Married Women’s Property Act of 1848, a woman's entire property passed to her husband on their wedding day. And if the marriage ended (by either death or divorce), the wife could lose everything. So, these agreements were initially drawn up to spell out which property would remain with the bride’s family.

Post-Nuptial Agreement
Wikipedia defines a post-nuptial agreement as “a written contract executed after a couple gets married, or have entered a civil union, to settle the couple's affairs and assets in the event of a separation or divorce.”

If you and your spouse did not sign a pre-nuptial before your wedding, a post-nuptial may be for you. According to http://www.EqualityinMarriage.org, your marriage is subject to your state's marriage laws, if there is no agreement in place. Without one, if your marriage ends, decisions about property distribution are left to a judge to make. When drawing up this agreement, items to consider include current and future income and debt, medical and disability insurance coverage, and any alimony that will be payable to a spouse. According to the site above, this agreement can also be used in case of the death of one spouse.

In the case of either a pre- or post-nuptial agreement, both parties should be represented by separate counsel.

Should my future spouse and I draw up one of these agreements?
Only you and your spouse can answer this question, and both of you should agree on how you want to proceed (one spouse should not be coerced into signing if he or she is not comfortable). Your perception of what these agreements represent (i.e., we are already planning for our marriage to fail) may determine if this is for you or not. Also, if you choose as a couple to move in this direction, it is no one’s business but your own…the decision is yours and yours alone. On a side note, this is a great thing to discuss during pre-marital counseling!

Your Planning Assignment
Consider this question carefully and wisely. Do your research and talk it over honestly with your future spouse.

Thoughts on the Royal Wedding

That would be me....I, too, am a Queen!

As I write this, the Royal Wedding is now in the recent past. We speculated on what it would be like, tweeted our reactions in real time, and watched hours and hours of live coverage. The purpose of this blog is not to critique wedding attire, give commentary on the royal hats, or to gush over the beauty of everything (yes, it was a beautiful wedding). I am just sharing what some of my first thoughts were as I watched Prince William and Kate Middleton (now Princess) become husband and wife.

Every bride is beautiful, no matter how simple or ornate her wedding is.
As Kate entered Westminster Abbey, the look on her face was one of excitement with a touch of nerves. She glowed with anticipation at seeing her future husband. Doesn’t every bride have that same glow, no matter what ethnicity, age or economic status? Every bride is beautiful!

The Queen of England carries her purse just like my grandmother did!
As The Queen entered Westminster Abbey in her lovely yellow attire, my eyes fell on her purse. I laughed out loud as I thought about my grandmother Catherine Fields. She was a height-challenged lady (i.e., she was short), but was tall in grace. She wore a hat to church regularly and always made sure her purse matched her shoes. It made me smile to realize that elderly ladies are alike in some regards, whether they are the queen of a country or just carry themselves like one!

Planning is key!
Whether a guest list is 50 or 500, planning is key to a memorable experience for the couple as well as for their guests. Do you think Kate worried about where her bouquet was, or what was coming next in the order of things? I would say no, because much planning went into making her day everything it was. And speaking of planning….

What was the planner’s life like the week of the wedding?

I would love to have been able to peer into the planner’s life the week leading up to April 29. Was she stressed out? Was she waking up in the middle of the night thinking about things that needed to be done the next day? Her plans went off without a hitch, so hopefully she has now taken a well-deserved spa trip or vacation!

What was going through the mind of the father of the bride?

Because his daughter was center stage, so was he! Did he cry before they entered the car to travel to the wedding? Did he have any final words of wisdom for her before her life changed forever? Whatever they shared in that brief car ride I’m sure will be cherished by the both of them.

As with every couple I work with, I pray that their marriage is a happy one.

The pomp, circumstances, money, etiquette and drama mean absolutely nothing if the marriage is not one filled with joy and peace. No marriage is perfect, but should be one with love, mutual respect, and fun. This is my wish for Prince William and Kate.

Wedding Music: Options, Options, Options!

As you begin planning your wedding, the question of music will come up very quickly. Music sets the mood for your wedding, and definitely sets the tone for your reception. This article is not going to touch on song choices or music styles, but will talk about how the music you choose will be played.


Live Music
There is nothing more beautiful than a harpist playing “Here Comes the Bride” as your walk down the aisle! Or what about a live band at your reception playing the latest hits? In my opinion, live music adds a special something to your festivities. When considering this, think about the fact that hiring live musicians can be more expensive than using recorded music. Multiple piece bands have to ensure each band member is paid for the event, especially if they are foregoing a club gig (including tips) to play at your wedding. If they do not charge a specific fee, wedding soloists and accompanists for your ceremony should be given an honorarium for their services (which many times includes attending your wedding rehearsal).

Hiring a DJ
A DJ can be the life of the party, getting everyone engaged, or can ruin the mood of a reception (anyone remember the YouTube video of the drunk DJ?). Disc Jockeys are an excellent option to provide recorded music for both your ceremony and reception. They can also serve as your Master of Ceremonies for your reception, making sure everything flows as it should throughout the evening (along with your planner of course). DJs can also provide lighting to help transform your reception space into a party atmosphere. Make sure your DJ has wedding experience (there is a difference between DJ’ing in a club and for a reception).

Whether hiring live musicians or a DJ, you will need to ensure your music and song choices are given to them ahead of time. Don’t forget to share with them what music you do not want played.

Using an iPod or CD
If your budget is limited, an iPod is a great way to provide music for your ceremony as well as reception. If you decide to go this route, there are several things to consider: (1) There must be someone to operate the iPod, especially for your ceremony. If the processional is taking longer than anticipated, someone will need to repeat the song until the processional is done. And you never want there to be a lull in the music for your reception, unless it’s time to transition to things like the bouquet toss or dollar dance. (2) Always have a plan B. What if your iPod breaks, or what is the CD is scratched? Always have a backup just in case something happens. (3) Make sure you have more than enough songs. Repeating songs is not a good thing for a reception (think about when you’ve been at a party or club, and you hear the same song every 30 minutes…no good, right?). There should be enough songs loaded to last the entire evening. Although you are saving money with this option, this choice is very labor-intensive!

Your Planning Assignment
Choose wisely the manner in which your music will be presented at your wedding. It can make your break your special day!

Using Technology in Planning Your Wedding

Technology can be used in many ways to plan a wedding. We are able to documents details, plan seating arrangements, and keep up with vendor meetings, on our laptops, desktops and mobile devices. This article will share with you some (and remind you of others) ways to use technology to make wedding planning easier.

Wedding Websites

Wedding websites are a great way to inform your guests of all the details of your wedding, from how you met to where you plan to go on your honeymoon. If you are tired to answering the question “Where are you registered?” point people to your website! This is also a great way to get a last minute message to all of your friends, such as a change in location for your rehearsal dinner. Sites such as http://www.theknot.com/ or http://www.weddingwire.com/ offer free websites that can be built in minutes.

Wedding Podcast Network
Do you like listening to podcasts as you’re working out or driving? Check out the Wedding Podcast Network (http://www.weddingpodcastnetwork.com/), which has topics including travel, beauty and exercise tips, and conversations with wedding professionals. There is even something for MOBs (mothers of the bride).

Smartphone Apps
Smartphones , such as the Blackberry and iPhone are what many brides are using to plan their weddings and organize their lives (as a user of a smartphone, I cannot imagine life without it!). Check out apps such as “Wedding Organizer”, “Wedding Checklist”, and “iBridal Gowns” to assist you in keeping it all together!

Ustream
Are there special people who are unable to travel to your wedding, but you still want them to share in the festivities? Check out www.ustream.tv to see what production services they have available. Also, check with your videographer to see if they can provide this service.

Slide Shows
This is not a new idea, but one I really love! Many couples, with the help of their photographer or videographer, run a slide show of their childhood, vacation and other pictures of themselves for their guests to view during dinner. It’s a great way to for people to see how you have progressed as individuals, and how you’ve grown as a couple. Also, check with your photographer if he/she offers the service of displaying pictures of the wedding at the reception (guests really like this!)

Viewing proofs
Finally, when your big day is over, many photographers give you the option of viewing your proofs via the web. You give your guests your password (after all, you don’t want some stalker looking at your pics online), and they can view proofs and order their prints directly from the photographer. It’s also a much better way to decide on which shots you want to include in your wedding album than a proof book (in my opinion).

Technology can help make wedding planning easier. Take some time to learn more about the options that are available to you, and use them to enhance your planning experience.  Happy Planning!

I Need Help Choosing My Bridal Party!

Family members and friends who are chosen to be a part of your bridal party should consider it an honor! At the same time, those you choose should be special to you in some way (e.g., friend from the 1st grade, sister, fraternity brother, etc.) Don’t take making the decision of who will stand with you lightly!


Characteristics to Consider
I believe all members of your bridal party should display these characteristics. The last thing you want to have to worry about is someone who is not:

Trustworthy – You are putting faith in people, in the hopes that they will be there for you! Don’t choose someone whose word you know is not good for anything!

Reliable – Is your cousin always late? Is your fraternity brother the type of person who changes his mind in an instant? You want to select people who are reliable, will show up when and where they need to, and will do what they said they would do.

Fun – Weddings are fun, and members of your bridal party should be fun as well. I’m not saying that each person must be the life of the party, but they should want to have a good time to celebrate your new life! Don’t pick someone who’s a killjoy!

Share in your happiness – Sometimes our friends and loved ones who are not married or not in a relationship may feel a bit of jealousy toward you. Don’t choose someone who’s a ‘hater’ and can’t share in your happiness.

Money and Bridal Party Members
Let’s be honest here…..it can be a bit expensive to be in a wedding, since bridal party members are responsible for their attire and transportation/lodging to the wedding. If you know someone is not working or may not have the means to handle these costs, don’t ask them to be a part of your wedding. If you do ask them, they may say yes, but then leave you in a lurch at the last minute (I’ve seen this happen TOO MANY times!) If you insist on having them as a part of your wedding, keep in mind that you may end up footing the bill for them (and this will need to be included in your wedding budget). The choice is yours….just be knowledgeable about the choice you are making!

I was in her wedding, should I ask her to be in mine?
Because you were in someone else’s wedding, it doesn’t automatically mean the previous bride must be in yours. Maybe you and your fiancé have agreed to include only siblings, or you’ve decided to keep your bridal party small. Whatever your reasoning, you shouldn’t feel obligated to include someone because they included you.

What if my relationship with someone has changed?

You may have been close to someone a few years ago, but for whatever reason, you are not as close as you once were. Relationships can change over time and distance, and let’s face it, people can change too! You may have other friends who are now closer to you than she is. If you and your friend promised to be in each other’s weddings back in the first grade, but your friendship has transitioned, don’t feel obligated to include her in your bridal party. In this case, one option is to ask her to do something else for you (i.e., hostess, gift collector, etc).

Your Planning Assignment

The decision on who to include in your bridal party is yours! Don’t feel pressured to include people you don’t want, and stick by your decision. It’s your choice and your day! Happy Planning!

The Importance of Planning Reception Seating

Planning the seating for your reception may not be the most exciting thing to do, but it will ensure your wedding guests fully enjoy celebrating your new life as husband and wife. Although it’s your special day, it wouldn’t be the same without your guests to share it with, and their comfort is important!

 

Why should I have reserved seating?
In my opinion, there is nothing worse than an unorganized reception. Your guests should be well-informed as to what to expect and where to go. If they have to make sure they have a seat by rushing into the reception room or saving seats for other people, your reception can be chaotic. Also, if you are having a sit-down or buffet-style dinner, it’s imperative that every guest have a seat (how can someone balance a dinner plate and a drink while standing?) This may seem obvious, but you would be surprised at some who don’t plan to have seating for everyone! :-)

 

The importance of the RSVP
Besides letting you know who will be attending your wedding celebration, the RSVP helps you determine what your final budget will be for food, alcohol, and favors. Be sure to set a realistic deadline date and stick to it. If you are not getting responses in a timely manner, use your wedding website to send a friendly reminder to guests, or have family members follow up with a phone call to check on your guests’ status. You are not obligated to accommodate a guest who responds after the deadline!

 

When to work on your seating plan
You can lay the groundwork for your seating plan as soon as you know how your reception room will be arranged. One approach is to assign guests to tables as soon as you receive RSVPs. The downside of this is that if you do this too soon, and change your mind about where you want to seat someone, you may have to make a few changes until you have the final version. Any late RSVP should be seated wherever you have room (if you decide to try to accommodate them!) Check out wedding planning sites such as Wedding Wire (http://www.weddingwire.com) for great tools to assist you with your seating arrangements!

 

What are some things to keep in mind as you arrange your guest seating?

Again, the best interest of your guests is important as you answer these questions:

 

• Will guests know each other?
• Will a single person feel out of place sitting with married couples?
• Are there guests who may not get along and should be seated separately (such as a divorced couple)?
• Will a guest with a disability or special needs be able to maneuver in a particular area of the room?
• Should an elderly guest be seated closer to the buffet?

Options for seating
Place cards – These are small cards that include a guest’s name and table number. Guests can pick them up during cocktail hour, or as they are entering the reception room.

 

Favors – A favor can double as a place card (such as a small picture frame with the guest’s name and table number, or piece of chocolate with a tag containing the seating information). Use your imagination!

 

Hostesses – Hostesses can check your guests in and inform them of their assigned table. You may even designate ushers to escort people to their seats!

 

Seating charts/scrolls – Guests’ names and table numbers are listed on a chart (usually in alphabetical order) so guests can determine where their seats are. See the picture above for just one way it can be done (picture courtesy of http://avasweddings.com )

Your Planning Assignment

 

Set your RSVP date so that you will have enough time to complete seating arrangements, as well as give a final guest count to your caterer, favor maker, and cake baker. Happy Planning!

Must I Sign Contracts with Wedding Vendors?

This is a question I am asked often. Those who tend to be very trusting of others, or may be intimidated by the verbiage in contracts may wonder why it’s necessary to have them. However, I believe, as do wedding professionals, that contracts for services requested are a MUST!

 

A Contract Outlines Exactly What You Are Purchasing 

Are you requesting something out of the ordinary from your venue (upgraded linens instead of standard linens for example)? Your contract outlines specifically what you are expecting your wedding vendor to provide. Look for these items in your contracts:  

• Date of event 
• Arrival Time
• Specific package/service/product (should be very descriptive)
• Amount of deposit needed to book services and whether or not it is non-refundable
• Payment schedule
• Cancellation policy
• Whether the vendor should be provided a hot meal on wedding day
• Date the final product (such as wedding videos) will be completed

Any special requests (even if your vendor has verbally agreed to do something special for you, if it’s not in writing, it may as well not exist!)

 

Pay special attention to the cancellation clause of your contract. In many cases, it will state that the initial deposit is non-refundable if the event is cancelled. This is to protect the vendor from loss and to compensate them for work performed to date. Keep in mind that once you booked your date with a vendor, they are probably turning down other business for the same date.

 

A Contract is a Means of Protecting Oneself

Because the contract is clear on what products and services are being provided, it is a reference in case you have an issue or concern with what has been received. If your florist agreed to provide calla lilies for your bouquets, and they are delivered with roses, you have recourse to request new bouquets! Because there are so many details to remember regarding your wedding, contracts are a great way to keep up with the specifics.

 

A Contract Should Be Read Carefully!

Don’t just gloss over the language and rush to sign! Read each clause of the contract carefully, and if you have questions, ask! A professional should be happy to explain each clause to you, so you fully understand what you are signing. Be leery of a contract that requires an extremely large payment upfront or of a vendor who cannot (or will not) address your concerns.

 

Read and ask questions! I can’t emphasize this enough! And make sure your contracts contain all of the specifics and special items requested before you sign. Don’t allow a vendor to intimidate you into signing something you don’t understand or something that is incomplete.

 

Happy Planning!